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Northern San Diego County Family Law Blog

Knowing your reality: Questioning if divorce is the right choice

As someone who is considering a divorce, it is important to know if it's the right choice for your situation. Divorce isn't for everyone, and many people's marriages do survive difficulties during their lives. It's wise to think very carefully about your reason for seeking a divorce.

It's impossible to say if a divorce is the right decision for you without knowing all the facts and how you feel. There are a few questions you can ask to help yourself decide, though.

What happens to custody when a child is ill?

One problem parents often run into when they have custody is when a child falls ill. When a child is sick, there is a question as to whether it's a good idea to move the child. The child may want to stay where they are or return to the other parent for comfort, depending on the situation.

As a parent, you understand that making your child comfortable is necessary during an illness. What should you do, though, if it's in conflict with your custody orders?

Are you preparing to divorce for the second time?

The divorce rate in the U.S. has been decreasing in recent years. Still, a high number of second marriages break up.

A variety of reasons for this exist, and some of them are quite surprising. There is one common thread, however: Since you have already gone through divorce once, you know more about what to expect the second time around.

Recognize these 4 domestic violence red flags

Any relationship that has domestic violence as a factor is likely volatile and difficult to handle. When the possibility of a divorce comes up, the offender may become more violent or aggressive in an attempt to control the victim.

What some people find challenging is determining the line between domestic abuse and bad behavior. There are some red flags that are markers of a violent or dangerous relationship. Here are four to remember.

What you should know about divorce in California

An interesting topic that you might like to know about is how common divorce is in California. Did you know that Orange County, for example, has one of the highest divorce rates in the country? There, around 33 people seek a divorce daily, according to a 2012 report.

In 2018, statistics have shown a decrease in California divorces, but that's not to say that it isn't still happening at a high rate. The actual divorce rate in the state is approximately 41 percent of couples on their first marriage.

Prepare for your divorce before you ever suggest it

Before you file for divorce, there are things you should know. While your decision is one likely based on facts and emotion, you need to understand that emotion can't play a role in the steps you take next. Everything you do has to be with your best financial interests in mind. Even if your divorce is emotionally charged, making sound decisions is a must.

Before you go through a divorce, though, your first step is to assess whether this is what you want. It is not easy to turn back once you file for divorce. Many spouses are hurt by the thought that their significant others would want to end the marriage, so this could cause irreparable harm to your relationship if you change your mind.

What is a California domestic violence restraining order?

You're afraid, to put it simply. Afraid for your safety. Afraid for your kids. Afraid they'll witness another fight and another black eye.

No one should live under the threat of domestic violence. In California, victims of such acts have recourse through the court system.

Is it better to file for divorce first?

When trouble arises in a marriage, it can fester for a long time as a variety of solutions are tried out. Couples may try counseling, spend more quality time together or do nothing and hope circumstances change with time. Typically, there comes a time when both spouses know the end of the marriage is near and each one is simultaneously considering divorce.

If you believe you are at this point, you may want to file right away and not wait around to see if your spouse will get to it first. Filing for divorce should be taken seriously. Filing first should not be done for spite or to send a message of frustration. If you are ready for divorce, there are advantages to filing first. 

What are the dos and don'ts of a California custody case?

You want your children to live with you full-time after your divorce, but you know it's best for your little ones to spend time with both parents. Then the unthinkable enters your mind. What if the family court judge decides your children should live with your ex, and you become one of those parents who only see their kids every other weekend?

There are things you can do to present yourself well in a child custody case and show the judge you are a parent worthy of having a substantial amount of time with your children.

Money a frequent cause of California divorces

They say that money is the root of all evil. It's apparently the root of many divorces, too. That's according to one financial planner, who said that studies have shown that finances are the top cause of divorce in the United States. He cited the following money issues as marriage-busting problems:

A lack of savings in the bank. The planner said more than 50 percent of American families have less than $1,000 stashed away as savings. With no money to fall back on, a marriage could suffer from money-related stress. He recommended establishing an emergency account. One way to fund that opening deposit? Use the money you and your spouse would have spent on a nice dinner out and eat at home instead. After that, make an easy addition to savings either by having your employer directly deposit part of your paycheck or setting up an automatic transfer with your bank on the same date each month.

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